movies

ABOUT DAMN TIME!!! Alien – Covenant Trailer

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How long have we waited?  Too long.  Be careful…I think this trailer has a fair amount of spoilers.  You cannot entirely put together the plot point by point BUT you see some characters expire and the means of their expiration.  Very happy they are going with a hard R rating for this.  Image result for alien covenant Alien: Covenant trailer

I must confess…this is the bloodiest trailer I’ve ever seen outside the buckets of blood stuff from the 80s and 90s with Freddy and Jason etc.

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Episode VII Spoilers…maybe!

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BEWARE SPOILER BELOW!!!!  (Maybe)

Star War VII

About a year ago I posted my thoughts on Star Wars: Episode VII.  I made a prediction that the movie would start with a starship traveling somewhere (that was a hard prediction since every SW movie has started with a ship arriving or traveling somewhere) but at the time the prediction I made had the Millennium Falcon being the traveling starship.  I would like to take that prediction back because…

…the Falcon has been stored on the desert planet that is home to the tough living Rey (Daisy Ridley).  It has been stored there for several reasons that I will get into in a moment.  In the most recent trailer the Falcon is being chased by tie fighters and during the fight the much beloved craft of the original trilogy daringly flies through the wreckage of the crashed star destroyer.  Now, that would seem a crazy maneuver, one that is certainly against all odds (I won’t quote those odds of course) that is, unless the pilot was aware of the layout of the crashed destroyer and knew there was a way out and not just durasteel bulkheads waiting at the end of what would be a short flight.

Now why was the Falcon hidden away and why do I think it was hidden in the first place?  Well, here come my spoiler predictions.  BEWARE!!!

Falcon

Episode VII starts 30 years or so after Return of the Jedi.  Things didn’t go so well for the Rebellion after the death of the Emperor, Vader, and destruction of the latest iteration of the Death Star.  Why?  Because the Empire was…well it was an empire.  A big, big empire with many huge warships and millions and millions of troops.  They weren’t going to surrender and go home so easily now would they?  I why should they?  It wouldn’t make sense.  They still outnumber the rebels tremendously and don’t need to make decisions based on morals and feelings like the good guys do.  In the wake of the loss the emperor the remaining Empire leadership got together and likely said: “probably be a good idea to kill that Luke guy, Sole, and Leia about now, you all agree?”  So assassin squids are sent out.  Bounties are set and no kidding this time.  Bring me Han’s head and you get a planet…because we have a million to spare.  Seems a worthwhile transaction in my estimation.  The Rebellion was still pretty small so they can’t protect all their people all the time.  There were probably some higher ups that got snugged.  Akbar probably didn’t see that it was a trap at least once (by the way it’s not helpful to say “it’s a trap” after its been sprung).

Luke probably saw that by staying close to his friends they would be put in danger so he may keep to his own little solo missions because he’s no general…he does pretty dumb and selfish stuff after all.  SO of course Luke goes off and becomes corrupted by the dark side like Yoda warned.  Which was why we didn’t see him in the last trailer.  If you saw he was a bad guy there would be a missing twist opportunity.

AT-AT Wreckage     Han and Leia on the other hand have a couple kids.  A boy and a girl.  They’re a happy family but they find that there is a bad guy(s) out their hunting them and knocking off the few jedi that have come out of the woodwork with the demise of Vader.  They decide to have older brother fool with the memories of his little sister and pretty much brainwash her into forgetting who she is, her jedi abilities, and who her family is.  She wasn’t a fan of this but she didn’t want her family to be hurt so she went with it.  She is hidden off on a desert planet (somewhat like the planet where her uncle was hidden away on except this one has only one sun) and so she, Rey, lives her lonely life in the desert taking refuge in a home made from a destroyed AT-AT with her time spent tinkering on machinery (like her grandfather Vader), scrounging the battlefield littered with star destroyers and other downed craft, while working for some alien I expect to be Maz Kanata (Lupita Nyong’o).  All the while Rey is having these feelings that something is missing…cases of déjà vu are rampant etc.  She says at some point “I am no one” despite the fact that she is an uber jedi in waiting.

Rey is not the only valuable hidden away on the desert planet…the Falcon is also hidden away on the planet because it’s like a beacon strobe that says “HAN SOLO IS HERE.”  That’s why in one of the short clips Han says “We’re home” and he looks relieved and nostalgic and then how he knows to fly through the downed star destroyer while being chased by a tie fighter.

Okay so what about older brother that mind wiped little sister Rey?  What happened to him you ask?  Well, in being older brother he felt that he would be able to protect himself and fight against those that were hunting him and his family (possible Uncle “dark side” Luke).  It didn’t work out so well.  He turns to the dark side himself and goes all naughty and jedi killy at the behest of his uncle.  The galaxy needs order and only a nice sith working party can do that.  They both, Ren and Luke, work to finish what Vader (grandpa and dad respectively) failed to do which was unite the galaxy and bring order; such a proud family.

Melted Vader Helmet

So Kylo Ren is Han and Leia’s son who mind wiped daughter Rey and is now hunting them all because good is dumb (I heard that once before…long before you were born).  Some of the math adds up at least.  The actor that plays Ren is just over 30 and the movie takes place 30-years after Return of the Jedi.  The actress that plays Rey (Rey and Ren by the way…how many parents use the same letter to start their kids first names…too many if you ask me!) is 23 so when Rey had her mind wiped she would have been like 8 or 9 and her brother would be 15+ which is old enough to be a decent jedi perhaps but surely old enough to be super stubborn and say “no, I’m a grown up jedi now and I can fight off jedi hunter uncle Luke myself.”

Now, just which major character dies?  We need a worthy sacrifice and Jar-Jar won’t work (I think Jar-Jar is biding his time by the way and will make his move in Episode VIII by the way).  Sorry Chewbacca but we’ll miss you.  Our poor Wookie, perhaps the best “person” out of all the SW characters, will sacrifice himself and be slain by…probably Ren though I wouldn’t be surprised to hear it was Captain Phasma because she has to do something badass.  Why else does she wear a shiny storm trooper outfit than to show off how tough she is?

Knights of Ren

Oh, and about the character of Finn played by John Boyega?  Well, he’s a storm trooper that’s becoming more and more upset that he is on the side of the bad guys but, like any gang, you just can’t walk away without being…well, killed.  So, after participating in the opening scene massacre, a massacre led by Kylo Ren (and his Knights of Ren buddies) as they hunt jedi and resistance folks alike, Finn decides he’s done and it’s now time to get out.  He jumps in a tie fighter, which of course all storm troopers can fly (perhaps he is special because he’s a secret jedi and can just do things…the jedi part is also a reason to leave because he’s part of a bunch of fellas hunting jedi and it’s probably not a great idea to stick around).  He blasts his way out of the star destroyer and flies away and it’s all good until it isn’t and he gets shot down and crashes which brings the bad guys to the doorstep of Rey and that brings Han, Chewie, and Leia out of hiding to protect their kid against their other kid.  Chase ensues for an hour and Chewie dies in a cold, dark forest or something like that.

Enjoy the movie!

Don’t let me know if I’m right because I hate spoilers!!!

Cheers!

JW

They have no idea…

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They have no idea…

I was one of the many many’s to watch the latest Star Wars trailer last night during half-time of the Monday Night Football game.  And I weathered the annoying duo of  overrated Mike Tirico and the even more overrated Jon Gruden I might add to do so.  Thankfully the slings and arrows I endured were worth it for the trailer…well it left me and my wife in tears.  Nostalgic.  Inspiring.  A promise of a taste of home cooking!  I was just absolutely enraptured by the sights and sounds.  If the film is even a tenth of quality of the 2+ min trailer then I have to say it will be a difficult film to beat in my eyes as movie of the year.  I simply can’t wait to see if this holds true!

Today I showed my students the trailer during a break in the festivities of learning what needed to be known on the upcoming state test (never mind learning anything useful).  Most had not yet seen the trailer.  And most had only the more recent (m&*#^$FU^%#&g) prequels as a reference point.  Few, a sad, sad few, had ever seen the originals.  Now talk about what is wrong with America!  Throw aside all the criminals that are running for or currently holding office…we need everyone to sit down and watch the originals…oh and then burn the prequels afterwards!

Trailer Episode VII
Trailer Episode VII

After viewing the most recent trailer with my class I then went on to field questions.  One of the questions was regarding the Disney purchase of the brand (a few of my kids pay attention to the news even if just the celebrity and entertainment sections).  I shared that the good thing about the evil empire (Disney) is that they have A LOT OF MONEY.  Mountains of it in fact and like American politicians they are willing to throw tons of it at an issue hoping for a solution.  The solution for Disney with the faltering Star Wars franchise it to make more movies…and more…and more.  I told the kids that they have no idea what is ahead of them.  I then briefed them on just what was in store.  For at least the next 6-years they will have a Christmas or summer Star Wars movie to attend.  Three movies in the series and three films in the anthologies (monsters of the week – so popular in an established series because it focuses on one smaller story normally alluded to in the greater canon and context in the series whole).  They were stunned.  “We get to see something like this…every year for the next six years!?”

Yes.

Originally I was concerned that director J.J. Abrams would bring along his friend from the Lost series Damon Lindelof (ruiner of Prometheus – shame!!!) but when I found Lindelof was not attached to SW oh boy was I excited.  I can only hope I and my student are subjected to what Star Wars could be and not what it has been over the past decade.  I can only hope…you listening Obi –Wan Kenobi?!  You’re my only hope!

P.S.  This movie better begin with the Millennium Falcon flying overhead!!!

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3343889177

Interstellar: A review/critique of a NOT so stellar movie.

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Interstellar: A review/critique of a not so stellar movie. SPOILER INCLUSIVE!

Film:  Interstellar (2014)

My Rating:  .5 craft beers on a 6-pack scale (I took the 6-pack back for a refund – skunky beer!).

Genre:  Adventure/Sci-Fi

Rating:  PG-13

Runtime:  169 LONG mins

Directed by:  Christopher Nolan

Writers:  Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan

Stars:  Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Michael Caine, others…kinda

Interstellar pic

Yes, this film has been out for a while now obviously.  I missed it in theaters and that was on purpose.  I don’t go to the theater because I want to be completely engrossed in a film (especially one I’m paying $$$ to see – remember when movies were $2.50 a ticket?!).   I want to be immersed completely into a film, the sights, the sounds, which is extremely difficult when there’s a drunk couple screaming at the screen while sitting a row or two in front and of course there is always the person on their cell phone sitting but a seat away from you.  The theater experience sucks these days despite the technologies available to show film.  The human element pretty much ruins it so yeah I’m a little behind in seeing Interstellar.  Thank God for Netflix and thank God I was able to hold out for the disk to arrive in the mail rather than buy the dang thing.  I managed to sit through the nearly 3-gruelling hours last night but I was too drained to follow up with an immediate write-up so instead I went to bed and had some really bad dreams.  You know a film is bad when it leads to nightmares and it isn’t a horror film!  (Note: I don’t have nightmares at all regardless of the genre of film I’ve watched so the negative impact Interstellar had on my sleep is indeed scary).

Okay, okay, so that was a long opening paragraph that has let you know I didn’t like the movie.  Now you must be asking exactly what was so bad, right?  The answer would be pretty much everything.  Everything except the Hans Zimmer score which from what I’ve read is something that the positive reviewers for Interstellar have pooh-pooed as the ONLY negative.  Funny.  I found the score to be different.  Very different.  But at the same time it was a refreshing change from the usual score associated with such films.  I’m not bagging on the scores of other movies of the genre.  I’m just saying that this was a welcomed departure from the norm.

SPOILERS BELOW – I don’t usually do the spoiler thing but it couldn’t be helped.  Why?  Because this film bothered me so much that I really wanted to pick apart some of the more prevalent flaws (fatal flaws) in this thing.  SPOILERS BELOW

 

You ready for this mess?  I know you read the script.  It's too late to turn back now.
You ready for this mess? I know you read the script. It’s too late to turn back now.

 

Now what didn’t work?  EVERYTHING else.  I don’t want to write a novel here but the last time a sciency doctor was played as bad as the Dr. Brand character of Anne Hathaway was Dr. Christmas Jones (Denise Richards) in The World Is Not Enough.  I will not dignify Hathaway’s character by calling her “Dr.” anymore in this review/critique.  It would be an injustice to the scientists of the world.  Why was Hathaway’s character even included in the film especially when she had no power on the mission, other than to be annoying, as Cooper (Matthew McConaughey), a pilot, who seems to be in charge of humanities destiny because he can fly a ship?  A ship that seems to also be able to be flown by the talented and underutilized monolithic robots I might add.  Just dumb.  How convenient by the way that the secret NASA base where the saviors of humanity were busily working on things like solving gravity and building circular concrete structure underground was just an evening drive from Cooper’s farm.  A secret NASA base where old friend/boss/professor Michael Caine was in charge and wasn’t surprised that Cooper just wandered on in.

One more thing about the robots; what exactly are they made of?  They seem to be constructed of nothing but titanium, level III bullet proof Gorilla glass, and unobtanium/adamantium because they take a beating and their electronics don’t have so much as a hiccup.  My wife spills a little water on her ipod and it’s toast.  I really wish all electronics were built like those robots.

I know.  I know.  There's only 2-more hours left...of crap!
I know. I know. There’s only 2-more hours left…of crap!

Another thing that absolutely didn’t work was the universe where this was all going down.  If the planet was starving and in such miserable shape like we are led to believe, and the governments were unable to provide security (as mentioned with “there are no more Marines” and the lost Indian air force drone sequence which contributed next to nothing in the story by the way) there would most likely not be the safe little farming communities and industrial capabilities to keep folks using heavy machinery or gas powered vehicles.  If you look at the vehicles used in Interstellar there are gas cans everywhere.  Where are they getting the gasoline especially if the world can no longer maintain security?  It comes down to this: people will be fighting and fighting everywhere.  I saw no evidence of this.  If you’ve seen Looper you’d see a more realistic near future sci-fi representation of what farming would most likely look like in a depressed future.  Everyone in that universe is armed to the teeth and paranoid paranoid paranoid and rightly so.  They aren’t the type to take in a baseball game in between massive dust storms that are slowly choking them all to death.  It would be fantastic if they did though as there are few things I love more in this world than baseball.  I believe I would be all but alone in the stands watching a game if the life of humanity was at stake like it was every day in the Interstellar universe.

Need more of what didn’t work?  The explorer Romilly, who volunteers to stay behind and research the singularity (hoping to solve gravity) only to be rejoined with the returning Cooper (McConaughey) and Brand (Hathaway), seems pretty well-balanced despite 23+ years of being alone in a tin can.  That’s not to say he wasn’t just a little bit off but he looked to handle their return a lot better than I expected him to.  I know he slept a little but even if he slept for 80% of the time they were gone that’s still 4-5 years of solitary confinement the guy had to endure.  By the way…they are flying these ships all over the place, near a black hole which is a pretty significant body of gravity (understatement), and they are worried about fuel all the time but I wonder just what is propelling and fuelling these craft here and there and without a heavy and long acceleration how to they figure on getting anywhere?  Tremendous plot holes.

Another whacky thing is the Matt Damon character of Dr. Mann.  I wonder if Chris Nolan was stoned out of his mind when he thought any part of that idea was good.  Things big and large about this entire sequence bothered me to no end like how Dr. Mann sealed himself up in the hibernation tank (funny that if people are in that liquid for years they don’t have even a little bit of the prune look, right?).  The system doesn’t look like a very good one when you have to rip open the bag to get someone out like Cooper had to do by the way.  So Dr. Mann is awake and happy he isn’t dead and he explains his robot in a jumbled pile just broke down and they all seem to buy it pretty quickly and move on to the exciting data that makes them believe on the surface of this cold, cold planet they can breathe!  Yay!  We can’t grow SHIT here but at least in certain parts of this ice cube of a world you can breathe the air.  Cooper and Dr. Mann go for a long walk to see this breathable surface (why didn’t they fly there??) and Cooper has part of his helmet broken by Dr. Mann so Mann can kill him and escape the planet.  Cooper of course survives though it shouldn’t be such an issue because the pressure of his suit should have kept the toxic air out of the suit for a time being…nice that the suits don’t have some means to affix an emergency patch by the way.  If he’d only brought some futuristic duct-tape foam patch kit thingy he would have been just fine.  Of note is that Matt Damon isn’t billed in this film and I think for good reason.  Why would he want his name associated with it?

Anybody, with all our technology and stuff, notice the GIANT approaching waves?  Nah...me neither.
Anybody, with all our technology and stuff, notice the GIANT approaching waves? Nah…me neither.

Wait…there’s more!  Dr. Mann has had the foresight to rig his robot to explode if the secret information he hid was accessed.  Yep.  What if someone accessed it while he was sleeping?  He’s okay with killing everyone including himself?  And the robot helping poor Romilly, a super advanced robot by the way, can’t go “hmmm that looks like a bomb?”  Fine so Dr. Mann steals a ship, flies through the ice clouds (I’ve never seen ice able to float by the way) to the mothership but he cannot dock because the automatic docker has been turned off by one of the super robots as a precaution.  Precaution against what!!!??  Against what!?!?  AND THEN the super smart Dr. Mann doesn’t think much of opening a pressurized door into the vacuum of space.  What could go wrong he thinks as he is shot out like a cannon point blank into the unsecured airlock hatch?  By the way the computer during all this is telling him he isn’t in a secure dock but close enough seems to be okay with the good doctor.  To me this was Chris Nolan and his brother (the co-writer) deciding it was time for something else to blow-up and give Cooper a chance to save the day by daringly docking with the spinning ship while Brand passes out.  I’m going to drop the mike here because it hurts my head to think about anything else concerning this trainwreck of a film because thinking on how Cooper survives the black whole (WHICH NOTHING CAN ESCAPE!!! Except maybe love and good intentions) and is then found floating in deep space with minutes of air left in his little space suit which seems to be able to both keep him warm despite the incredibly cold reaches where he is found and also shielded from the Hawking radiation (and other neat killy things) from the singularity he was hanging out in to then meet up with a bunch of people just cruising around in giant space cylinders while Brand sits alone on their new world just hanging out.  Glad they had all these ships and technology at hand but didn’t think to send anything to help her.  Cooper of course then steals a ship with relative ease (great security by the way for a pretty valuable resource smart guys) and with probably not so much as a snickers bar with him he flies off to hook up with her so he can start farming on their new world no doubt.

Blah!!!!  What a bunch of junk this all was!  Do not use the IMDB.com rating on this one.  This is NOT AN 8+ film.  Not at all!

The Godzilla Groupie Effect: A REVIEW of Godzilla

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Film Review:  Godzilla (2014)

My Rating:  1 craft beers on a 6-pack scale

Genre:  Action/Sci-Fi/Thriller

Rating:  PG-13

Runtime:  123 mins

Directed by:  Gareth Edwards

Writers:  Max Borenstein, Dave Callaham

Stars:  Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Bryan Cranston, Ken Watanabe, David Strathairn

Godzilla

Did I miss something or are there a lot of Godzilla groupies out there?  When Godzilla first came out it had pretty good reviews on IMDB.  Of course the folks that go to the theaters in that first week or two are the true fanatics and tend to give a blockbuster type movie high-praise even if it is far, far from warranted.  The decline is usually a point-and-a-half drop after the first week.  Godzilla was absolutely NOT the exception to the rule here.  How it ever had an 8+ rating though, even after that first fanatical rush months and months ago (May 2014), is beyond me.

This movie sucked.

I gave up drinking for the month of January for no other reason than to see if I could.  I could and it wasn’t that bad.  That being said today is February 1st and it is also Super Bowl Sunday so I think I’ll be imbibing once again.  The only regret I have for not drinking in January is that Godzilla is one of those movies you need to be inebriated to enjoy unless you are a masochist.

This movie sucked.

I hate writing bad reviews for something I have not and cannot do.  I have not made a major motion picture and I very much doubt I ever will as it’s not anywhere near the top of my rather boring bucket list.  I feel much better writing critical reviews on books because at least I’ve written one and offered it to the public.  Something I believe all critics should keep in mind.  First write a book yourself and subject it to the gauntlet of peer review prior to eviscerating the work of others.  “Put up or shut-up” is the expression I’m looking for.

godzilla-2014-nuclearOh…yeah, the review of Godzilla.  See how I got off track there?  Well, that is an example of just what Godzilla was; an off-track monster.  It had such potential (NO SPOILERS – if it appears spoilerish it is taken from a trailer or commercial so they did it first) such as explaining all the atomic tests conducted in the South Pacific during the 50’s and 60’s.  The Godzilla bastardized cannon has explained the birth of Godzilla via those atomic and thermonuclear tests.  In this iteration the detonations in the Pacific were an attempt to KILL Godzilla not an after effect mutation of an iguana or something that would later grow, and grow, and grow until it decided it would swim all the way around the world to destroy New York or something.  I liked the idea very much, that the military attempted to destroy Godzilla after finding him but then you much pay attention to this part of the backstory if you subject yourself to this film.  This cool idea becomes a headache of a flaw when the director or studio decide it’s enough backstory and now it’s time to turn on the smoke machine and CGI computers so viewers can enjoy “spooky” fog-filled train rides, explosions in Hawaii, and skydiver heroes trailing cool red flares.

This movie sucked.

ken_watanabe stunned scientist GodzillaI really wanted to like Godzilla.  I hope one day a writer will be allowed to tell a compelling story that will not be destroyed by the wanton need of CGI destruction and explosions.  This film actually had a cast that would have been able to carry on a pretty good story had there been even a remote hint of one.  Watanabe is an absolute favorite of mine (he’s steadily removed Liam Neeson from my heart because…political reasons that I’ll leave alone) but he is wasted here.  He can pull off the stunned-scientist-that-pulls-it-all-together-when-given-the-proper-data-that-has-been-there-all-along-face really, really well.  Shame that he doesn’t do much more in the movie though.  As for Cranston…this was a near crime against humanity.  He was beyond wasted.  Beyond wasted.  I’ll leave it alone at that.  David Strathairn (I can never say his name—can you?) is the admiral in control of a naval fleet that seems to be able to travel vast distances in minutes.  He too is pretty much wasted by playing the part of the clichéd hard-assed admiral who has to look pissed-off all the time.  He could have been better utilized.  More backstory or something.  And then there is Aaron Taylor-Johnson…or whatever.  He was simply there so the camera had some continuity for this trainwreck.  He adds absolutely nothing to this movie.  He’s kind of a hero of course but only because everyone else seems to be really, really stupid.

This movie sucked.

I could have easily turned this review of Godzilla into an Easter-egg hunt in flaws and goofs.  But it’s not much of a hunt if the treasure is so easily found, right?  Long story short here—if it comes to you via stream it’s something to have on in the background while you vacuum, fold the laundry, or paint the room.  If you have really good genetics and are healthy, think you may live to be 100-years old, then please, waste 2-hours of your life watching this.  Because I know I probably won’t see 70, I’m pissed I watched this thing because it’s time I will never get back.  Will there be a sequel…let’s hope not.  Please, join me in prayer!

Cheers!

J.W.

I’ve been absent for a little while in my writing of movie reviews.  I’ve been REALLY busy working on a couple writing and editing projects.  Love writing.  HATE editing.  That’s all I’ll say on that subject.  I look to be writing more reviews in the near future so stay tuned.

To Amazon.com US Store  KindleUnlimited friendly!
To Amazon.com US Store KindleUnlimited friendly!
To Amazon.com UK Store  KindleUnlimited friendly!
To Amazon.com UK Store KindleUnlimited friendly!

Helix:  Looks Like A Really Fast Car…Shame About The 4-Flat Tires

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Series Review:  Helix

My Rating:  1 craft beers on a 6-pack scale (to get through this turkey I needed WAY more than a 6-pack!). I will be accepting donations to help me get through the suffering that is sitting through the first 13-episodes of this disaster.

Genre:  Sci-Fi/Thriller

Runtime:  13-episodes 40-45 mins each

Directed by:  Various

Creator:  Cameron Porsandeh

Stars:  Billy Campbell, Kyra Zagorsky, Jordan Hayes, Hiroyuki Sanada, Neil Napier

HelixSyfy So I caught a commercial/trailer for this series more than a year or so ago and filed it away in my brain.  As time went by it hovered in my memory until it merged in my mind with the commercials for The Strain (which I still need to watch) and Fringe (which I have watched most of but still need to watch the last season+).  Being busy with work, life, and naps I’d all but forgotten about Helix.  I haven’t watched Syfy since they killed Stargate: Universe so I never caught the series when it was first run.  Then, a couple weeks ago, Helix popped up on my Netflix radar and the memory of this promising series resolved from the fog.  I added it to the queue and prepared for a marathon.  I primed the couch and stocked the larder ready for a Saturday morning start for the planned day-long session.  Unfortunately my plan was derailed when I found Helix to be…not so very good.  If I’m going to spend a whole day sitting on my butt watching the TV, instead of doing the dozen or so more productive things, the program needs to be pretty good.  Not great.  Just pretty good.  And Helix definitely does not as “pretty good.”

I managed to make it through the first season but it took me far longer than I had originally planned.  I simply seemed to find things to do instead of watch Helix like…wash my car in the rain, reorganize the glassware in the kitchen cabinet according to height, and count the servings and calories in my emergency ration stash so I know exactly what’s in inventory for when that alien invasion occurs (which I assume is soon).

As is my normal practice I will not include any spoilers in this review though I can tell you that one of the main-ish characters in the first several episodes doesn’t make it half-way through the first season and THANK GOD for that!  If you watch Helix you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say the acting of the clichéd bandanna wearing, rock music enthusiast, straight-talking scientist Doreen character is simply terrible.  Terrible.  Terrible.  The acting is bad.  The reasoning her experienced and supposedly intelligent character uses is simply awful and really detracts from the story.  Just about every second her character is on the screen time is better spent taking out the trash or checking your work email on the iPad (yes both of those are similar tasks).

The main character of Dr. Alan Farragut, played by Billy Campbell, is not so very good by itself but thanks to the terrible Doreen character your ire is not focused entirely on him.  Why he feels the need to talk in a husky/whiny voice (tough to pull that off at the same time) for the entirety of the first season is beyond me.  I need to also mention that Campbell is 30-years older than the character played by Jordan Hayes.  I won’t go any further on the subject but it is worth noting.  If you watch the show you’ll understand.  Thankfully there are moments of mystery that work to pull you into a slowly developing story.  From time-to-time Dr. Hatake, played by Sanada – perhaps most recognized as the swordmaster in The Last Samurai – pops in and drops a little morsel of mystery like Hansel and Gretel leaving bread crumbs.  Now if only those bread crumbs led somewhere interesting.  There was so much promise in this show in the beginning but it just kinda continues on without really getting all that interesting.  There’s some side story going on regarding stolen children I think.  I should know but I found my attention often waning throughout this turkey.  Oh, one last glaring issue with Helix.  The team led by Campbell that is trying to do…whatever it is that they’re trying to do…is part of the CDC.  Is that organization really so inept that a group of their most senior scientists runs off to cure a big bad bug and when the home office doesn’t hear from them for a long time there’s no response?  Just one of the many, many plot holes in the show.

I’ll probably watch the second season when it’s on Netflix but I won’t seek it out.  When it shows up on the recommendations list I’ll add it to the queue but not before.  I’m not going to search it out.  I do have to mention that there was one thing I enjoyed about the show.  The hokey elevator music that plays during the title crawl is out of place and yet it’s oddly catchy.

Now can I recommend you spend a weekend watching this?  Sure…but only after you’ve expended all other entertainment options, completed all chores, and reorganized your hope chest.  Note: as I wrote this review I’ve steadily deducted points from the rating.  I’m going to stop here out of concern I’ll soon be into negative numbers which isn’t fair to the two or three people that worked hard to bring you Helix.

Cheers!

J.W.

P.S.  75K+ words into Sigma Draconis and more than a third of the way through the 2nd edition of The Bellerophon: Ambush which I hope to republish soon.  I’m excited about both projects and the many, many project yet to come.  SD is going to be cool but very different than my first book.

Drive – Listen to the sound of awesome. A Movie Review.

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Film Review:  Drive (2011)

My Rating:  5 craft beers on a 6-pack scale (5 ½ if you have an awesome 7.1 sound system).

Genre:  Crime/Drama

Rating:  R

Runtime:  100 mins

Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn

Writers:  Hossein Amini, James Sallis (book)

Stars:  Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Bryan Cranston

First off I’m compelled to share that it is my belief that anything featuring Ryan Gosling should be considered guilty pleasure entertainment.  I don’t know why that is exactly.  He’s far from the greatest thespian to ever grace the silver screen.  He delivers dialogue like he’s ordering a pizza and he has one move: a slowly forming smile coupled with a squint.  Still I have enjoyed nearly everything I’ve ever seen him in.  I wish I could put exactly why into words but I can’t at this time so I won’t even attempt the hunt.

On to Drive.

Drive Movie Poster

Synopsis:

A wannabe race car driver spends his days stunt driving for movie productions and his nights driving the “getaway” car for those requiring his special skills.  He also appears to make some money as a mechanic but money doesn’t seem to be his driving force (more on that later…and spoiler free as always).  There is a married neighbor and some complications with some organized crime folks.  Trouble ensues.  And there is driving.

Drive was a difficult film to review despite my abject love for it.  I saw it the first time streaming on Netflix.  Then a month or two later it arrived in the mail via the Netflix mailer because I forgot to take it off my disc queue (SIDENOTE: Yes I still get discs mailed to me.  Not everything streams and Blu-ray is simply the best media. Period.)  I wasn’t bothered by the arrival of the disc bearing envelope as it gave me another excuse to watch and HEAR the flick but this time in full 7.1 surround.  I’m glad I wasn’t paying close attention to my queue because listening to the Blu-ray audio really introduced a new character I would have otherwise missed in the background minutiae.

This character was the sound and, to state simply, it was incredible.

This is perhaps one of the best films in recent years to take full advantage of a musical score, creative song placement, and outright sound.  It more than made up for the near wooden performance by Gosling.  You will certainly enjoy the “family” drive down the concrete L.A. River.  I simply love the music that plays during this scene.  It feels like a warm memory of a surreal family picnic.  Another scene that takes full advantage of a plus musical score should perhaps have been mentioned first as it is the opening.  The first time I heard this play I looked up from whatever was distracting me (iPad, dog in my lap, etc.) in wonder.  Had I turned on the wrong movie? I wondered to myself.  Nope.  It’s Drive, it says so on the screen.  Now I’d heard Drive receive positive reviews from trusted friends and even trusted family (trusted in that they are movie fans with somewhat discernable tastes) but still I took a long time getting to it.  Too long I now freely admit.

I keep mentioning it but this is a film to watch simply for the sound. I know…I’m beating a dead horse here, cloning it, raising it, and then to die of natural causes only to beat that dead horse yet again.

Remember no spoilers so I won’t go into details while mentioned the vaunted elevator scene.  It is one of the sweetest – yeah I said sweetest – and yet most horrifying scenes I can recall viewing in recent memory.  There.  I mentioned it.  No spoilers.  Proceed.

The scene with Ron Perlman on the beach also stands out because of the near lack of sound.  If I were to give an Oscar performance for Drive I would award it to the sound/music folks for sure.

So the sound was awesome (have I mentioned that yet?).  Now the acting…yeah…the acting.  There had to be some of that in Drive, right?  And there was.  Kinda.  Gosling was only a vehicle (pardon the terrible, terrible pun) for the incredible music/sound and the rather interesting story.  He neither added a great deal nor subtracted same from the movie.  But, because he’s Ryan Gosling, you just sorta buy him, due to his presence, simply because he doesn’t get in the way of the story much.  And because he’s Ryan Gosling.  Could other actors perhaps have added more?  Sure.  Maybe.  It was a tough character to play because, other than a couple allusions to such, he near completely lacks character depth.  That’s not to say the entire cast goes the same however.  Carey Mulligan was rather strong as a wife held hostage by her sense of responsibility and honor while at the same time longing for something else, something more.  She really sold a woman that wanted to scream but accepted that it would do very little.  So she kept it bottled up like a good Irish gal.  Good girl.  Keep that bottled up.  Very healthy.  But, really you can see she has limited choice, especially because she has a young son to consider.  The performance by the almost cookie cutter bad guys, played by Albert Brooks and Ron Perlman, was certainly a weakness and so was the lack of screen time for Bryan Cranston.

A law should be passed that every movie Cranston is cast in, from now until the day after forever, needs to give his character twice as many lines and screen time as anyone else would be allotted.  Did I say he is a fantastic actor?  Well he is.

Watch Drive but even more important…hear Drive.  I’m going to go and pop it into the PS3 right now (yeah I added it to the official collection).

Cheers!

J.W.

To Amazon.com!  KindleUnlimited friendly!
To Amazon.com! KindleUnlimited friendly!