The Godzilla Groupie Effect: A REVIEW of Godzilla

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Film Review:  Godzilla (2014)

My Rating:  1 craft beers on a 6-pack scale

Genre:  Action/Sci-Fi/Thriller

Rating:  PG-13

Runtime:  123 mins

Directed by:  Gareth Edwards

Writers:  Max Borenstein, Dave Callaham

Stars:  Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Bryan Cranston, Ken Watanabe, David Strathairn

Godzilla

Did I miss something or are there a lot of Godzilla groupies out there?  When Godzilla first came out it had pretty good reviews on IMDB.  Of course the folks that go to the theaters in that first week or two are the true fanatics and tend to give a blockbuster type movie high-praise even if it is far, far from warranted.  The decline is usually a point-and-a-half drop after the first week.  Godzilla was absolutely NOT the exception to the rule here.  How it ever had an 8+ rating though, even after that first fanatical rush months and months ago (May 2014), is beyond me.

This movie sucked.

I gave up drinking for the month of January for no other reason than to see if I could.  I could and it wasn’t that bad.  That being said today is February 1st and it is also Super Bowl Sunday so I think I’ll be imbibing once again.  The only regret I have for not drinking in January is that Godzilla is one of those movies you need to be inebriated to enjoy unless you are a masochist.

This movie sucked.

I hate writing bad reviews for something I have not and cannot do.  I have not made a major motion picture and I very much doubt I ever will as it’s not anywhere near the top of my rather boring bucket list.  I feel much better writing critical reviews on books because at least I’ve written one and offered it to the public.  Something I believe all critics should keep in mind.  First write a book yourself and subject it to the gauntlet of peer review prior to eviscerating the work of others.  “Put up or shut-up” is the expression I’m looking for.

godzilla-2014-nuclearOh…yeah, the review of Godzilla.  See how I got off track there?  Well, that is an example of just what Godzilla was; an off-track monster.  It had such potential (NO SPOILERS – if it appears spoilerish it is taken from a trailer or commercial so they did it first) such as explaining all the atomic tests conducted in the South Pacific during the 50’s and 60’s.  The Godzilla bastardized cannon has explained the birth of Godzilla via those atomic and thermonuclear tests.  In this iteration the detonations in the Pacific were an attempt to KILL Godzilla not an after effect mutation of an iguana or something that would later grow, and grow, and grow until it decided it would swim all the way around the world to destroy New York or something.  I liked the idea very much, that the military attempted to destroy Godzilla after finding him but then you much pay attention to this part of the backstory if you subject yourself to this film.  This cool idea becomes a headache of a flaw when the director or studio decide it’s enough backstory and now it’s time to turn on the smoke machine and CGI computers so viewers can enjoy “spooky” fog-filled train rides, explosions in Hawaii, and skydiver heroes trailing cool red flares.

This movie sucked.

ken_watanabe stunned scientist GodzillaI really wanted to like Godzilla.  I hope one day a writer will be allowed to tell a compelling story that will not be destroyed by the wanton need of CGI destruction and explosions.  This film actually had a cast that would have been able to carry on a pretty good story had there been even a remote hint of one.  Watanabe is an absolute favorite of mine (he’s steadily removed Liam Neeson from my heart because…political reasons that I’ll leave alone) but he is wasted here.  He can pull off the stunned-scientist-that-pulls-it-all-together-when-given-the-proper-data-that-has-been-there-all-along-face really, really well.  Shame that he doesn’t do much more in the movie though.  As for Cranston…this was a near crime against humanity.  He was beyond wasted.  Beyond wasted.  I’ll leave it alone at that.  David Strathairn (I can never say his name—can you?) is the admiral in control of a naval fleet that seems to be able to travel vast distances in minutes.  He too is pretty much wasted by playing the part of the clichéd hard-assed admiral who has to look pissed-off all the time.  He could have been better utilized.  More backstory or something.  And then there is Aaron Taylor-Johnson…or whatever.  He was simply there so the camera had some continuity for this trainwreck.  He adds absolutely nothing to this movie.  He’s kind of a hero of course but only because everyone else seems to be really, really stupid.

This movie sucked.

I could have easily turned this review of Godzilla into an Easter-egg hunt in flaws and goofs.  But it’s not much of a hunt if the treasure is so easily found, right?  Long story short here—if it comes to you via stream it’s something to have on in the background while you vacuum, fold the laundry, or paint the room.  If you have really good genetics and are healthy, think you may live to be 100-years old, then please, waste 2-hours of your life watching this.  Because I know I probably won’t see 70, I’m pissed I watched this thing because it’s time I will never get back.  Will there be a sequel…let’s hope not.  Please, join me in prayer!

Cheers!

J.W.

I’ve been absent for a little while in my writing of movie reviews.  I’ve been REALLY busy working on a couple writing and editing projects.  Love writing.  HATE editing.  That’s all I’ll say on that subject.  I look to be writing more reviews in the near future so stay tuned.

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10 thoughts on “The Godzilla Groupie Effect: A REVIEW of Godzilla

    Dennis the Vizsla said:
    February 8, 2015 at 6:04 pm

    hello jw kurtz its dennis the vizsla dog hay dada sez he had hi hopes for godzilla on akkownt of the direktors preevyus moovee monsters wot wuz abowt monsters in the mithikal land of mexico but sumhow all the ekstra munny hollywood throo at the direktor did not reezult in a better film go figger!!! ok bye

    Stephen Bowman said:
    March 5, 2015 at 7:16 am

    I’m so glad to see that someone else had the same opinion of Godzilla that I did!! I gave it a 3.5/10!!

      J.W. Kurtz responded:
      March 5, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      I really really wanted to like it. I did! But it was just soooooo bad. Whoever wrote it should be put out by the curb.

        Stephen Bowman said:
        March 8, 2015 at 6:07 pm

        I wanted to like it, too! But there was too much wrong with it to ignore. There are five writers given credit for the film, so maybe it was too many cooks in the kitchen.

        J.W. Kurtz responded:
        March 8, 2015 at 6:13 pm

        Agree. Way too many in the kitchen. The directing didn’t help. I get a feeling that many of the actors just adlibbed because no one told them what to do…no one directed them. Sad.

    Stephen Bowman said:
    March 8, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    I agree about the directing, or lack thereof.

    Rook Riley said:
    March 10, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    Yeah, any time you can make a monster movie boring, you’re doing it all wrong.

    noelleg44 said:
    April 11, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    I loved this review – I do so enjoy a review with humor that’s not wishy-washy. This movie sucked is all I need to know. Thanks for following my blog and I’m looking forward to more reviews!

      J.W. Kurtz responded:
      April 11, 2015 at 4:52 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it (the review that is). I’ll definitely post more so stay tuned!

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